Here i am, sitting and typing this post. Its 1:42 am, 20th May. The last day of the 6th semester of my engineering. A customary post I guess but this time I actually have some stuff to say, rather than the usual talk about time passing by quickly and all that stuff.
I had the chance of bonding with a lot of people this semester. I made some true friends, found love and lost a few friends along this four month long semester. There are a lot of people that have entered my life and a few that have gone away. I cannot portray this as a profit, or a loss situation. Even if a thousand people come into your life, they cannot replace the one person that meant a lot to you. If you lose that person, the loss is grave and irreplaceable. However, such is life my friend. You have to leave some people along your path, and similarly, some leave you.
One more thing which I got this semester is love. I still don’t know if it is true love or not, I don’t even know what true love is, but all I can say is that I have found that one imperfect person who can make me perfectly happy. I know in my heart that she is the one. But as we all know, it’s seldom that simple. It is complicated in my case too. At times, it is way too complicated. But I am happy when I talk to her, and I am happy when I am with her. She means a lot to me and I do not wish to lose her.
I have given up on her before because it became too frustrating at times, I let her go once and I regret that decision. I am not letting her go. Not this time, at least till the time I know that I can have her. We are not for the long run because of cultural differences and we both know that, and it’s only a matter of one year that I graduate and leave this city. But until then I am not leaving her. Call me selfish but I want her. And if destiny permits, I want her till death do us part.
I was on a road trip day before yesterday, nothing major just a short commute with a friend. While sitting in the front seat, looking at the road, thinking, I realized that I have never been all up on anything in life. I have always given up because I was too scared to do it, experience it or afraid of it. I realized that I have had so many opportunities to do a lot of stuff in my life but I never did, because I never could muster enough courage to do them. The best thing that I realized, sitting in that car that day was that I didn’t do all those things because i was scared of them, no. I didn’t do all those things because I, unknowingly, was afraid of myself, of what I am capable of doing and I feel that we all are afraid of ourselves more than anything else. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
I think about her at times, I think why i like her, why do I love her, and I do not get a solid convincing answer, and I guess that is the answer. If you truly love someone then you do not have a reason to love them. You just have feelings which are hard to quantify or verbally explain. You cannot explain and make someone else understand it, and you should not expect anyone to understand it too, because the feeling is inside you and to you alone, and only you understand it, that to not entirely. Love is everything but sane is rarely among them.
For the first time I am not as happy as I used to be, on the thought of going home, that’s because I will not be able to see her, meet her for two months. So much has happened within the past one month, I am scared what will happen within these two months. Fingers crossed.
Moving on, I lost a very dear friend this semester. We grew apart. No one is to be blamed, we just grew apart. This is how life works. I read a quote which says, “If you are not losing friends you are not growing in life”. So I guess both of us grew in life. If you are reading this, I want to tell you that I don’t have any grudges, no complains, no ego, nothing. All I have for you is love bother. You can always look towards me, without me judging you and ask for help, ask for a shoulder in times of need.
Some really unexpected things too have happened. Things that I could have never imagined. These are some things that I cannot talk about here. Ill not pretend to be naive, I’ll just be straight forward and truthful to myself and tell you that, even though I shouldn’t have done them, it was good. It was something else. And yes, I will do them again. If I get the chance.
This semester has been very good in terms of my professional growth. I successfully completed my 3D printer. For the common eye its finished but, being a geek, I will always find something to rip off and replace. So I would say it’s a work in progress.